Four Years.

A lot can happen in four years. 

High school begins and ends in four years. Undergraduate studies at college (usually) begin and end in four years. Lives can be turned upside down — for good or for bad.

Yesterday marked four years since my mom passed away. A lot has happened since then. I got engaged. Got married. Moved from D.C. back to Florida. Got Charlie. Bought a house. Got a new job. Got back into dance. Starting teaching dance classes. The list goes on. 

But I think the biggest change has been the way I handle the fact that my mom is no longer here. Dealing with family used to be very difficult. I wanted to isolate myself on Christmas, her birthday… And hearing someone else talk about their mom made me want to sink away.

But now, I see her presence in every area of my life. I can listen to stories about her without getting a sinking feeling in my stomach. I can talk about things she used to do or look at gifts she bought me and be glad instead of sad. 

Many people say that losing a loved one — especially one as integral as a parent — never gets easier as the years pass. But I think that, when you lean on Him, our heavenly Father can turn our wailing into dancing; take away our clothes of mourning and clothe us in joy.

We just have to let him. 

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